THE STORY OF US PART 2!

[Finity]

uhm, yeah, this is the best thing ever. now i want EVERYONE THAT POSTS ON ALIEN SOUP TO POST IN THIS ONE

A little boy was sitting infront of his computer looking at www.xxxspacechicks.com (http://www.xxxspacechicks.com) when suddenly, he saw a picture of his old dear friend Alien! Alas! Look at what Alien was doing to that poor human! "Is that even possible?!" the little boy was asking, when suddenly...

[JHowse]

he saw a strange banner ad that said "Prober
Make Love To My Buttocks Manny" Curious, he clicked on the ad and saw the most...

[possum37]

...luscious...


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My knob tastes funny.

[mthrlangl]

piece of chocolate cake that he'd ever seen.

"This doesn't have anything to do with porn," he cried. "What the f*ck! I WANT PORN!"

And with that..

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[Finity]

thought of more creative things to do with the cake. "Oh... he he. i get it now. mmmmmn chocolate cake." He started to drool when suddenly, it started raining fire and brimstone outside. "Freaking stupid ass LA weather," he said, when suddenly...

[mthrlangl]

a voice thundered from the heavens:

"Finity! What the hell do you think you're doing with that cake?!?" and down floated mth on her butterfly-angle wings. "Good God, boy, that's just not natural!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to have to report you to CaptKirk - he is the heavenly baker, ya know."

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

upon hearing his name, the cap'n appeared and...

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."

- Woodrow Wilson

[JHowse]

...shook finity and said, "Finity, like a pooooooor marksman you KEEEEEP MIIIIIIIsing the TAAAAAARget!" He then lost it and shouted, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! !!!!!!!!!!" Shaking his head, he apologized, "Sorry, I get these Shatner moments from time to time." With that, he took the cake from Finity and...

[liltaz]

handed it to liltaz and said "here you take this home and enjoy it"

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."

- Woodrow Wilson

[monsieurjohn]

as liltaz was headed home, eyeing the cake excitedly, a car pulled up alongside her. the heavily tinted window opened.

"give up your cake or give up your life" said a gruff voice from the dark interior of the car.

in a braveheart-inspired moment, she yelled at the top of her lungs:
<FONT size="4">FREEEEEEEDOOOMMMMMMMM!!!</FONT s>

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p.s. no one make fun of me in the next week. i'll be on vacation, so i won't be able to defend myself....
aw, i'm just askin' for trouble now.



<font color="#000000">[Edited by monsieurjohn on August 11, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[possum37]

With that, hundreds of kilt-clad Scots appeared over the hills, yelling and screaming...and as one, they turned around, bent over, and mooned the passenger in the car. Liltaz' jaw dropped open as she realized the leaders of the Scottish mooners were JHowse and...


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My knob tastes funny.

[mthrlangl]

spider. "Spider!" liltaz exclaimed. "I thought that only men wore kilts and mooned people. Cover yourself up, woman!"

JHowse looked at her plaintively and said, "What about me?"

"Huh? Oh..sorry..I didn't notice you standing there. Maybe if you paint your face blue or something."

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[monsieurjohn]

so jhowse dashed off to sherwin williams and came back all painted blue.

Mth said, "hm. that's more of a turquoise. i was expecting something closer to eggshell blue."

"oh, this is only the primer," jhowse replied

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[spidergoolash]

and next i'm going to paint my jolson the most electrifying shade of blue you've ever seen. oh, said mth sullenly.

and what's up w/that cake, it didn't have any white, gooey icing on it before you gave it to finity ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[mthrlangl]

"That's um...paint! Yeah, I spilled some paint on it. Darn that white, gooey paint, don't cha know," stuttered JHowse. "Anyway..I gotta go get some more um..paint! That's it..paint!"

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[monsieurjohn]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/ut-oh.gifhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/naughty.gifhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/eek.gif ...whoa.

and then the kilt-wearing barbarians charged in a thunderous cloud of dust.

meanwhile, monsieurjohn took advantage of the battle as a distraction, and went about his merry way planting bombs throughout the grand canyon, cackling "they'll never catch me now! and when the grand canyon's gone, they'll be sorry. i'll show them!"

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[KNSinatra]

And then KNSinatra, made her entrance onto the battlefield. Not on purpose of course -- if only she hadn't taken that wrong turn at Albequerqe (maybe she would have if she knew how to spell the city correctly). Her ride in her convertible had been a long one -- she was hungry, and her hair was more than a bit frazzled from the wind. "Oh wow, it's my lucky day! A piece of cake -- and it's covered with hair gel!"

[spidergoolash]

"or something else we'd rather not mention. here, have some eggplant parmesan instead" said spiderg, wearing her giant viking helmet. "take that dipsh*t lookin' thing off" snarled ks, "you look like a *fool*." "heh, is this your car?" asked spider. "why, yes it is" said ks. "LATER TATER" screamed spiderg as she drove off in ks's convertible. "hey", "HEY", the b*tch just stole my car, HELP!" wailed ks, choking on half-eaten eggplant. at that moment alien pulled up in his landspeeder. the really big, bulbous-headed alien said "jump in, we can still catch her, that SWINE" ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[KNSinatra]

"yeah yeah, in a minute," KNS said with her mouth full to Alien, who happened to be her third husband. "Priorities priorities -- I have to finish my eggplant parmesean! And why are you staring at my hair so strangely?"

[JHowse]

Then all of a sudden, but who should appear, but the Soup jive talker,...

[KNSinatra]

I'm bumpin' this one up because it was so under-appreciated http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif You guys can do better than that -- continue it! Give it your all! Let's see some teamwork! (throw in more gratuitous high school football coach slogans here ___ )...

...and the story continues....

[KNSinatra]

And that soup jive talker was NOT Barry Gibb, nor any of his brothers....instead, it was...

[Al]

..the ladies man, Al. He measures up KNS and says,"Hey foxy lady, can I bum a ride with you and your friend, my Saab broke down just a couple miles back and...uhmmm, is that a big purple wang your eating there....uhmmm, yeah that's disgusting." Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulls out a....

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on August 27, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

...neon purple and green...

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on August 28, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[spidergoolash]

disco ball ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

and another neon orange and blue disco ball along with a long, smooth, hard....

[monsieurjohn]

apricot.

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[spidergoolash]

what mj really meant to say was a banana ...

anyhoo, al's balls were now swinging (NO, not jiggling) out of control ...

"heeeeelllp, heellllp me" screamed al ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[monsieurjohn]

...and, hearing his plea, some weird guy came down from nowhere and started singing "do your boys hang low" (http://www.adcritic.com/content/fruit-of-the-loom-boys-hang-low.html) and gave al a pair of golden briefs.

"now remember - the golden briefs are extremely powerful. don't mess with the power of the briefs...."

and he vanished.

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[Al]

(what mischief begets us when we are gone for an instance.)

whoops.... by some mysterious way the magical briefs appear on Al's bottom. "Thank you", Al replys, and hands the wierd guy his ...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on August 28, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[monsieurjohn]

card. it says:

<center>
Al

Golden Briefs Wearer Extraordinaire
http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/cool.gif
</center>

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[JHowse]

All of a sudden, many girls spotted Al and his golden briefs, and they began to uncontrollably...

[KNSinatra]

Flock and cling to him! No, I mean, literally! At a speed formerly unknown to man, girls from all directions were quickly being swept off their feet (again, I mean literally) and shot through the air, ending up stuck to his golden breifs!

"Wow, i'm a popular guy" Al said in a voice somewhat akin to that of the Ladies man..

"No you idiot!" screached one of the women. "We're stuck -- what are these breifs made of anyway? It's something metallic, and extremely magnetic, and the only reason that I'm attatched to your arse by my ear, is because I'm wearing metal earrings!". All of the girls having the misfortune of wearing any type of metal jewlery, and who were now stuck to him in some way, shape, or form, began to yell at Al. Al began to think "hey, I really don't mind this too much..especially the ones with tongue rings," when all of a sudden his thought was interrupted by the sight of a morbidly obese man wearing WAAAAAAAY too much jewlery for his own good (ala Mr. T), flying at him at a very fast pace...

<font color="#000000">[Edited by KNSinatra on August 30, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[possum37]

"Whachoo doin', sucka? I pity da foo' who be messin' wif T! I buss' him up - mess him up reeeeal good!" The enraged T, sweating buckets (like he did in Rocky III), glared at Al and...


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My knob tastes funny.

[spidergoolash]

proceeded to lick al's face. "yearghhhhhhh" said al. "mr. t with halitosis breath lapping my face and some girls head wedged up my arse is *KILLING* me ... and now they're swinging from my disco balls ... mercy me ... ". al's golden underpants were now in shreds on the ground, leaving al completely nude, which wasn't making the situation any better, until ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

Al realized that he was just changed into an Official Alien Soup Prober. All of a sudden, Al made a big grin! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif He knew with all of these girls there he could...

[Al]

...finally learn the secret of... the bottomless handbag. "one of these fine women has got to know the secret.", he thought to himself. But he couldn't do it alone, for there were much to many women and Mr. T was no help (who was still feverishly licking at Al's face.) It would take forever to ask every single girl. So, he reaches for his pants pocket which were now on the ground, just barely within his reach and takes out a cell phone. He then calls upon his mentor, the great and powerful ...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on August 30, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

Finity! He tells Al to...

[KNSinatra]

"shut up and enjoy it while it lasts! I mean, you have many beautiful women adhered to your body, and you come to me to complain?"

"Well, umm...its not really *that* that's the problem, Finity...the issue that I'm more than a little concerned about the moment is that Mr. T has begun to......

[possum37]

...grind his enormously long...


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My knob tastes funny.

<font color="#000000">[Edited by possum37 on August 31, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

gold necklaces and chains against Al's body. "Ouch!!!" exclaimed Al. "You know that reeeeaaally hurts!" Fortunately for Al...

[spidergoolash]

mr. t didn't have his banana in his pocket.

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[KNSinatra]

UNfortnately for Al...Mr. T had his banana somewhere else. It was...

[possum37]

...wedged between Al's two round firm...


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My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

disco balls!

[Al]

"My balls! You jammed my jiggling balls!http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/furious.gif",Al screamed at Mr. T. He ordered Mr. T. to ...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on September 01, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[KNSinatra]

hand over his fiiiiine lookin' jewlery, because despite the wierdness of the whole situation, Al had really taken a liking to the masses of gold chain and such that Mr. T wore. T, who had become quite enamored with Al, still standing there in his nakedness, handed over his necklaces willingly. But as he did so, the BRIGHT light produced from the gold reflecting off of the mirrored disco balls...

[JHowse]

produced a massive energy wave that...

[monsieurjohn]

caused al to suddenly begin disco dancing in the glittering disco-ball light.

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[KNSinatra]

"It's electrifying!" shouted Al, as he so naturally struck a perfect YMCA position. Al was famous (or rather, infamous) for his extremely accurate immitation of the Village People. Al always customized his act though, and instead of dressing up as an Indian, Biker or Police officer, he was famous for dressing up as a....

[spidergoolash]

teletubby.

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[KNSinatra]

That's right. Tinky Winky. Clearly, he fit right into the bunch.

[spidergoolash]

at that moment, alien and kns came careening up in the landspeeder. "man, that last turn was a doozy", said alien, looking maniacally at kns. this infuriated al and he waddled over and started bashing alien over the head with his giant purple pocketbook &lt;al is waddling cuz his disco ball bags are still mighty sore, or maybe it's cuz he has morphed into tinky-winky mode&gt; ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[monsieurjohn]

hot on their heels, a podracer came out of nowhere and the Reverend Jerry Falwell hopped out angrily.

pointing an accusing finger at Al, a.k.a. Tinky-Winky, he shouted, "You immoral child-deceiving heathen! You live in sin!! SIN!!! SSSIIINNNNNNN!!!!!"

but then,...

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[KNSinatra]

KNS and Alien...

[Al]

..Al raises the giant purple pocketbook and aims the opening towards Falwell. As he opens the giant handbag, A large slimy tongue reaches out from the opening and engulfs Falwell, swallowing him inside the bags darkness. Al closes the bag and jumps on the podracer. But as he's about to start it he hears a voice, it is ...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[monsieurjohn]

KNS, saying "Al... you posted at the same time as me... i'll podrace you for it!"

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[KNSinatra]

"though, podracing is more Alien's style than mine...So on second though, I think I'll race you with a..."

[monsieurjohn]

bumper car!

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[KNSinatra]

and not just *any* bumper car, mind you -- it's a bumper car with a special...

[jourgenson]

secret identity...

[KNSinatra]

I call it: "...

[monsieurjohn]

the... FLAMING FLYING FAST BUMPER CAR FAST REALLY FAST BUMPER CAR FLYING BUMPER CAR!!!!!!!

...but i just call him marvin.

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[KNSinatra]

"But, stop marvelling at Marvin, and get you arse in your pod!" Alien, on his three fingers, counted to...well...three, and off they went! In a cloud of dust, it was clear who was in the lead...

[monsieurjohn]

and it was KNS in marvin! alien had some problem with the accellerator. something about how it was made for people with feet, not tentacles.

so kns was happily putting along in marvin when suddenly, alien figured out how to use the podracer's accelerator with tentacles!

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[KNSinatra]

KNS thought to herself "hmm...wasn't I supposed to be racing Al?", but her throught was cut short by...

[monsieurjohn]

monsieurjohn's saying "d'oh! i screwed up the racing schedule again!"

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[KNSinatra]

with that, one of those big hooks that is used to yank people off stage, swept KNS and Alien back to the start line. Then, a big claw (ala 50 cent rip-off stuffed-animal claw grab machine) decended fromt he sky, yanked Alien out of the podracer, whereupon Al, with a hop skip and a jump, took his seat. Alien, now much higher up, counted again, to three on his three Alien fingers, and unexpectedly, the most unusual thing happened...

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"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."

-Erma Bombeck

[spidergoolash]

spiderg entered the race in kn's stolen convertible. "heh, remember me?" traveling behind her at a frightening rate of speed was a minivan full of senior citizens that she had cut off at the last fork in the road, and behind them was a mysterious man in a volkswagon bus ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[monsieurjohn]

who was busy swearing at his vehicle at the same time as yelling at the other drivers: "You stupid bozos! Morons! ...mutter mutter... dumb car... Quit driving so fast, ya hoodlums!!"

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[spidergoolash]

the mysterious man then veered off to the side of the road, and to the surpise of the crusty minivan passengers, got out and laid his fat, slovenly body across the roadway, causing the minivan to spin out of control. "you bastard," screamed one of the old bats in the back seat. "what the hell do you think this is - a suicide mission?"

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[monsieurjohn]

umm.. yeah. that's what they said at headquarters during the briefing.

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[Al]

...Everybody watched in amazement as the minivan ,carrying the old ladies, spun ever faster and faster. As the van passed between the stunned onlookers, they could here the old hags starting to feel nauseas and then....ralff..vomitus was flying from the van in all directions. Seeing this caused Alien, who was still dizzy from the giant crane ride, to puke on KNS. KNS, in turn, started to puke on ....

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[KNSinatra]

Boone! As he staggered out of the Caravan he had hitched a ride, and accidentally fallen asleep in. His first thought was...

[Boone]

Yummy. Lunch is served.

----------------------------
ah-HA - i see we're misbehaving AGAIN tonite eh, BOONE
misbehaving...who me? (Boone attempts to look all innocent)

[KNSinatra]

KNS, with her telepathic sixth sense, was able to read Boone's mind, and that thought caused her to throw up even more. "This is disgusting and completely vomitocious!" yelled Al, making sure not to dirty his Tinky-Winky purse, and making up a word at the same time. At that moment, out of the corner of her eye, Spider in KNS's beloved red convertible saw Boone, Alien, KNS suddenly start to...

<font color="#000000">[Edited by KNSinatra on September 05, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[monsieurjohn]

turn into big purple blobs of goo.

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[KNSinatra]

(take a looks at the icon, for an illustration)

Which then, morphed together into one massive purple blob! As the blobs that were Alien, KNS, and Boone combined together into one whole, so did their personalities! The blob began to speak -- it said, "...

[Al]

.."We of the great 'Purple People Eaters' are looking for our great purple leader, the one you call...Barney!" ...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[spidergoolash]

and spiderg began to chant: "barney is dead; we barbequed his head."

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

"He tasted like chicken," spiderg proclaimed!

[possum37]

Poss, hearing the phrase "tastes like chicken", awoke from his slumber and ambled towards the crowd of Soupers. His finger reached out and poked the big purple glob of goo, and tasted it...

"Mmmm, gooey..."

"Poss, don't eat that!" yelled spiderg. "Eat somethign healthy, like a piece of fruit!"

Poss replied "But this goo is purple...purple is a fruit..."

Al stood in amazement for a moment before he...


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My knob tastes funny.

[liltaz]

attacked poss to keep him from eating the purple goo...

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"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."

- Samuel Butler

[liltaz]

poke at the goo...

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"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."

- Samuel Butler

[JHowse]

, and the goo responds with convulsions as it proclaims...

[KNSinatra]

"I shall wreak havok upon all of thee who do not understand the <FONT size="1">beep</FONT s><FONT size="1">beep</FONT s>philosophy and politics which underpin the structure of <FONT size="1">beep</FONT s> Alien Soup. And take notice that I am purple, because pink is NOT my color" all said in a voice sounding very much like Ralph Wiggum. The mangled personalities of Alien, Boone, KNS and Poss had turned the blob into a raving incoherent lunatic. Finally Al had an idea...

[monsieurjohn]

and he suggested to monsieurjohn that monsieurjohn distract the monster while he (al) ran away.

monsieurjohn said "um... i'm not sure i--"

"aw, be adventurous," al said with a shove. the purple glob of goo quickly started to devour monsieurjohn as al retreated hastily.

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[Al]

..as Al was making a hasty escape, out of nowhere a creme colored guitar comes flying and knocks Al to the ground...

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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[monsieurjohn]

al, marvelling at the randomness of the situation, is even more startled when a fuscia monkey comes out of the woods, beats its chest, and says (with an australian accent, of course) "'ave you seen me guitar? Blimey, there it is! Jolly good, mate."

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[KNSinatra]

And without further ado, the Australian fuchsian monkey, whose name, by the way, was Fidel, picked up his guitar, bit off a piece of it, did part of the Russian hat dance, and flew into a tree. As Al tried to piece together the recently-transpired events, the KNS-Poss-Boone-Alien-and now Monsiuer-blob steadily continuted its way towards Al. Since its recent aquisiton of Monsieur, the Blob had suddenly begun to exhibit a mysterious french flare! It droned on and on about Rousseuian political theory, talked of sticking french fries up its nose in the Ralph Wiggum voice, repeatedly sang the chorus to "voule vous coche avec moi, ce sois", and periodically mentioned "Le Soup d'Alien". Al turned around to see the 4-mangled-soupers fighting for control of the blob's voice. Then, all of a sudden, the blob began to....

<font color="#000000">[Edited by KNSinatra on September 05, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

But Al was too late. The blob engulfed Poss and now encorporated his entire being into the "collective." Al, shocked, began to...

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on September 05, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[possum37]

...square dance!


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My knob tastes funny.

[monsieurjohn]

to the tune of "voulez-vous couché avec moi" while the resistant monsieurjohn said "I hate square dancing... and i'm not even french!" - obviously, everyone's thought processes were a bit fuddled.

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[spidergoolash]

especially after john denver's rousing rendition of "thank god i'm a country boy" starting playing somewhere really loud, causing mj to start stomping his feet ruthlessly.

sporting a massive, brain-popping migraine, spiderg urged mj to stop. "but my body is out of control," said mj.

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[monsieurjohn]

...cuz i've got those
Happy Feet *t-tap tap*
Give them a low-down beat *t-tap tap*
and they begin dannnncin'
i keep cheerful on an earful of music sweet,
cuz i've got hap-hap-happy feet!

(credit given to Kermit the Frog on this one)

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[spidergoolash]

mj: "life ain't nothin' but a funny, funny riddle - THANK god i'm a country boy (yee-hawww)".

spiderg: "have you ever heard of spontaneous human combustion?"

having said that, the creeping, purple amoeba moved forth ...

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

and devoured MJ with ravenous speed. "BEEEEEEEEEEELLLLCCCCHHHHHHH!!! !!" said the blob as it then began to look for the next victim to assimilate.

[monsieurjohn]

then it realized it had already eaten me http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

spiderg, following her own suggestion, spontaneously combusted, but then her particles floated into a hospital and they reassembeled her in the room next to the fuscia monkey named fidel from australia who happened to have accidentally swallowed a yurt.

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[Al]

...the fuschia monkey then offered Spiderg a banana, which was secretly stolen from Al when the monkey hit him with his guitar.


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" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[monsieurjohn]

spider, still shaken from the explosion, thanked fidel and tried to eat the banana.

"no, no, mate, y'got to take off the peel before you can eat the bloody thing. try again"

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[KNSinatra]

Spiderg, not in the best of moods, however (she had just spontaeously disassembled and reassembled hereslf, bear in mind), and in general, not liking to be corrected or told how to do things by anyone, instead whacked Fidel on the head with the banana. "Mate, that was worse than a vegemite sandwich - what were you thinking?" he said, confused and rubbing his head. Spiderg rolled her eyes, and threw the banana at Fidel, whereupon he rolled off of his bed and into a bedpan. She grabbed his guitar, ran out the door, hijacked *another* convertible - this one was Pink (and was formerly owned by Boone), and drove quickly back to the scene. Meanwhile, Al was having a conversation with the blob. Unfortunately for him, one of the 5 blob/soup members' personalities had assumed clear dominance and control of the blob's mind, and was talking extremely fast. That souper just happened to be...

[Al]

..to be continued.

And now a word from our sponsor. (to pay for all the special efx and daring stunt personnel.)

Are you feeling weak, constipated, nauseas, feverish and spitting up blood?
Do you have trouble falling asleep, getting *it* up, or having trouble losing weight?

If you can say 'Yes' to any of these questions, and have a job and own your own home, then we've got a cure for you, it's ....

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on September 07, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

&lt;Que 50's TV commercial music&gt; Alien Soup BBS! Yes! Even little Lacey can go to the family computer and type, "aliensoup.COM"! That's right! Once you enter, you will find blisssssssssssssssss, sssssssssssspidergsssssssssss ssssssssssssspleeen, golden briefs, various probers, your very own purple blob gak, and threads of ruby red lips together with a shot between the eyes smiley. That's right! It's ALIENSOUP.COM!!!! Once you assume an identity there, there is no going back. What is that name again? That's right! ALIENSOUP.COM!!!!&lt;Orchestra hit and cut music&gt;

Now back to the story.....

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on September 07, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[possum37]

Unfortunately for him, one of the 5 blob/soup members' personalities had assumed clear dominance and control of the blob's mind, and was talking extremely fast. That souper just happened to be Alien.

Well, of course, when you think about it, it makes sense. He *is* the leader of the hive-mind, isn't he? So if he was to be integrated into a giant gelatinous mass with four other Soupers, of course his personality would eventually become the dominant one.

The only problem was that Alien's rapid speech contained aspects of the other four Soupers.

"Sweet momma, Blobby," said Al, "are you okay? You look a bit shaken up."

"Of course I'm all right, I'm completely fiiiiiii... I NEED A DONUT, SOME SEX, AND AN ABSENTEE BALLOT TO VOTE FOR GEORGE W!!!!!"*

*said with French accent

Al and spiderg looked at each other, then back to blob-boy. "Ummm...what was that?" queried spiderg.

"All's I said was that my mmmmmmmmm....... MMMMM, BARBECUE HORNED-UP REPUBLICANS!"*

*said with French accent

Al shook his head and said "This is just too bizarre. This is worse than the time when...


----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

Boone hit up on every Alien Soup female. "So what am I gonna do about this?" thought Al, but his thoughts kept him from paying attention, and the purple blob sucked him in with a high degree of slurping!....

[possum37]

"Mmmmm, this is delicious...even better thannnnnnnnnn....ANY KEY? WHERE'S THE ANY KEY? FIZZ! CHENEY CHENEY CHENEY!"*

*said with French accent

As Blob absorbed it's newest victim, it licked it's "fingers" clean. Slurping the human remains from its digits, it paused for a moment, almost as though it was sniffing an odor. The Blob looked almost perplexed, then turned away from spiderg and looked frantically on the ground...

Spiderg took the opportunity to sneak a few steps away from Blob, when suddenly her ankle slipped from under her. As she looked down to see what caused her to stumble, she noticed a piece of fabric - underpants, to be exact. Underpants with rocketships on them.

"What the..." she began, picking up the pair between her thumb and forefinger.

"That'ssssssssssss it!" bellowed the Blob. "The Lucky Underpants™! Once I absorb those into my gelatinous form, I can...

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

not only fly, but I can learn the true secret of the one who happens to be Mth...

[KNSinatra]

The blob crept towards Spider at a staggering pace. It's purple form grazed her fingertips, as she quickly dodged its absorbing gelatinous form. She made a run for her converible which was just a few short feet away, when she heard more voices coming fromt he blob ...

"OOOohhh BABY! Stop where you are, lest my cane find your backside!"

Spider stopped where she was, looked at the blob, and...

[spidergoolash]

said: "ssssssssssilly blob."

this stopped the blob dead in it's tracks. "are you ticklish?" chortled spiderg. intrigued, the blob lumbered over.

*****

the blob: "okay, that's enuf; yes, i'm very ticklish THANK YOU - doooohhh, now CUT that out. alright, now i'm REALLY mad ... "

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Al]

...and a pair of little tiny legs sprouted from underneath the giant purple blob. Out of nowhere came the sound of Irish music, and to Spidergs' amazement the blob started doing a rendition of 'lord of the dance.' As the blob danced, the passengers could be seen bouncing to and fro from within the giant mass...

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on September 10, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[KNSinatra]

Spider watched the trapped soupers bounce up and down rhythmically as the blob danced with the help of its newly-sprouted legs. The more dancing the blob did,the more commotion was brewing internally. As the blob preformed, the soupers' bodies were being flung up and down against the top of the blob, from the inside. Suddenly, with 6 loud pops reminiscent of bubble wrap, the six soupers' heads penetrated the surface of the blob, and could be seen in a line at the top. The now six-headed blob was faced with a new problem of its own...that is, a problem IN ADDITION to Spiderg ready and set to charge the blob in her stolen convertible...

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

<font color="#000000">[Edited by KNSinatra on September 12, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[possum37]

...that problem being that the six heads became the Soupers who say...<FONT size="5">Ni!</FONT s>

Bring ussssssss...a ssssssssssssshrubbery! Lest we become the Soupers who say... "Ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoop boing goodem zu owly zhiv!"


----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

"Where can I find a Ssssssshrub...." Spiderg asked before being cut of by "NI NI NI NI NI NI!!!!"

Spiderg then clutches her ears in excrutiating pain from the barrage of NI's when who should appear over the hill...

[Al]

...CaptKirk, clothed in ragged clothes like the bridgekeeper in scene 24.
The deformed blob with it's newly added 6 heads were stunned to silence by the sight of CaptKirk...or was it the smell?
"He who wants to say 'Ni' to spiderg must first answer these questions thirty-three.", CaptKirk shouts to the horrid beast.
The blob gives CaptKirk a confused look then...

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[KNSinatra]

CaptKirk asked the first question, which was, "WHAT is your favorite food?" Just as he imagined, every question he asked was welcomed by 6 responses...

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[possum37]

Poss' voice boomed out,

"It would be Brie,
I say to thee,
So now I see
I might say <FONT size="5">Ni</FONT s>
To spiderg,
Then she will flee.
Could you ask me
(yes me, not he)
The questions 2 to 33?"

Then, the next head responded...

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

Hamburger. No! Pizzza! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! !! As the head and body fully emerged from the blob and flew off into the distance as Capt. Kirk watched every movement of it.

The next head responded with...

[Al]

"Ni! I'll take an order of sashimi and some sushi with some Wasabi.", Al's head answers.
"Wah-Sah-bi.", replys Poss.
"Yeah, Wasabi.", Al replys.
"Waaah-Saaah-beee", replys CaptainKirk.
"Waaah-Saaah-beee", Poss replys again.
This goes on for another 30 seconds before KNS quickly kicks both Poss and Al, shutting them up.
The next head answers ...

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[KNSinatra]

That is, the nest head, who happened to belong to KNS, answered,"...

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[possum37]

"...dumplings. Chinese dumplings."

*pause*

"Well," said CaptKirk, "that was easy enough. Hmmm, to be honest I expected a weird answer - I mean, you heard how the other heads responded, didn't you? What's up with them? Why can't anyone just answer normally? Did you hear that rhyming guy? What the hell was *that* all about? I felt like I was in a weird Dr. Seuss book or something."

While CaptKirk was speaking, a voice emerged from another head in the blob, a voice attempting to express its opinion - only with a voice reminiscent of that of Carl Spackler, groundskeeper from the infamous movie Caddyshack. "Well, uh, you know, I guess if I had to pick a favorite food then..."

"See?!? *That's* what I mean!" yelled the Captain. "Who the heck *is* that, anyways? And for chrissakes, why are you doing *that* voice? Aaaahhh!"

Yanking out clumps of his immaculately-groomed toupee (yes, Bill Shatner wears a rug, so our Captain must, too), CaptKirk let out an exasperated shout before spinning around to run away. Unfortunately for the Captain, he forgot what he was standing next to, so he ran smack-dab face-first into...


----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

Spiderg's convertable! Ouch! Kirk screamed as he bashed his shin against the bumper! THAT reeeeeeeaaally HURT, YOU.........BUGGER (remember, this is Monty Python, so you have to think British)! He then limped around in pain...over acting, of course (why not? Shatner has a bad nack for over acting). The blob, eyeing this opportunity, decided to...

[KNSinatra]

explode. Out staggered the remaining soupers...Boone led the way.

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[possum37]

All the bystanders stood around (isn't that ironic? Bystanders, standing around? Who'd have thunk it?) covered and encrustulated in blob goop - sweet smelling, syrupy blob goop. The kind of goop that feels like jello at first, but slowly begins to feel more and more like thick, rich maple syrup. And not the kind like you get at a franchise diner like Denny's, no sir, we're talking the kind of syrup you get at a local family-run restaurant, the kind where the mother and the daughters run the front while dad and the boys are cooking in the back; the kind where the syrup is hand-made each and every spring, once the weather begins to warm up and the maples release their delicious nectar. A full-bodied syrup, one where you wouldn't need to dump a lot of it on your pancakes, because just a little'll do you. A thick syrup, the "takes a half hour to pour cause it's so thick" syrup. A sugary syrup, the kind that if you don't have diabetes before trying it, you'll have it afterwards. A brown syrup - not so brown to be coffee-colored, but instead sort of an off-caramel color; yet not so light to be a tan - just a bit darker than that.


----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[JHowse]

The aroma of the syrup was such that everyone wanted to lick it off. This caused a great...

[JHowse]

Diesel Dan's rotting foot!

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Al]

...hunger. The soupers, who had been expelled from the now defunct giant blob, now had a look of zombies on a search for....

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[Al]

"I've found it!", Al shouts with excitement, as he sniffed the air. "I've found it's noxious scent."

"good job.", replys KNS as she pets Al on his goop matted head and places a leashed collar around his neck.

Led by Al's sensitive schnoze, the group heads west. After a couple hours they run into....

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Al on September 27, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[Finity]

Finity! "Man, finity, where you been!?" says KNS. "Man, taco bell had this deal and i couldnt resist. MMMMN TACOS" finity said as he started running around in circles, millions of 29 cent tacos flying out of his pockets and into the faces of the onlookers. Suddenly...

[JHowse]

a voice echos saying, "DROP THE CHALUPA!" Finity, being the sexy bitch that he is, decides to...

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Al]

..he strikes a "the thinker" like pose while holding up the chalupa, appearing as if he's contemplating the meaning of a chalupa.
"Haven't you heard.", Al exclaims. "That eating too many tacos in one sitting will turn you into a walking nuclear reactor."
Just then Finity's hair starts to ...

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[JHowse]

...glow a neon green from the irradiated beef they use in the tacos. Finity begins to babble off on some Japanese tangent asking Mth....

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Finity]

"do you have any hot sauce? I NEED SOME HOTSAUCE!!"

suddenly, finity's hair started turning into fireworks, shooting off into every direction. Finity didnt seem fazed by this suddenly cranial explosion as he enjoyed yet another chalupa from his seemingly endless supply of them in his pocket. He was just about to take another bite when AAA snuck up behind him and tried to catch him off guard. But Finity was too quick for her. Right before she was about to pounce, Finity jumped up and turned around striking an 'en guarde' pose and screamed

"PREPARE TO MEET THY DEATH!" . . .

[Al]

..Finity, pulled out a pair of razor sharp chopsticks from his secret compartment on his person, that only he would dare enter, and lunges at AAA with them.

Noticing that the prey is now armed and more dangerous than ever, AAA quickly grabs a....

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[Always An Alien]

cab

[JHowse]

.......

*Breaks into the story* OK, you people! We need to keep this story alive. It sank to the second page, so please, please, please post to it! That goes ESPECIALLY for you newbies.

*returns to the story*

........

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on October 10, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[JHowse]

AAA then gets into the cab and thinks she safely got away from the SEXY BITCH. She then looks up to the driver who just happens to be...

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Always An Alien]

her husband who says "Look here you SEXY momma, your going home with me and quit playing around with all those young studs from AS." He takes a deep breath, pulls off onto a dark back road and whispers "You are soooooo SEXY." "Do you wannna, Geez! guess that was a dumb question, huh?"

[liltaz]

"Yes it was! dumber than dumb!"

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[Always An Alien]

AAA gazes into his loving eyes and says "But you are such and educated, sophisticated and wealthy man. I want you to make love to me like your an ignorant peasant!" As he is climbing into the back seat to do just that a set of headlights.......

[liltaz]

brightens the windows and a loud crash follows...

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[possum37]

...as spiderg's convertible slams into the rear fender!

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[liltaz]

spiderg jumps out and runs to inspect the damage and make sure AAA and other are ok. AAA and other get out of the truck looking stunned and go to check the damage.
"It's not too bad" says AAA.
"I'm SOOO sorry" says spiderG, "my spiderlings were going nuts in the back seat and I was trying to calm them down."

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[Always An Alien]

AAA is now feeling unfufilled (and hungry), she hops in the cab and drives off to look for......

[liltaz]

A McDonalds and a cold shower...

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[Always An Alien]

She struts into McDonalds to see Boone sitting there.
(In her best Mae West voice says)
"Hey there Big Boy wanna give me your BIG MAC?"
"Then maybe we can go find the other soupers and......."

[JHowse]

"...show them how much of a sexier bitch I am than Finity!" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif Boone...

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Al]

...Boone quickly jumps from his chair as Finity comes crashing through the McDonalds window.
"I don't think so",shouts Finity while trying to catch his breath from all that running. "We end this...right here, right now."
Then Finity rips off his ....

----------------------------
" I'll take 'the-rapist' for $200, Alex "

[liltaz]

shirt, puts up his hands, ready to fight Boone to his death when SpiderG catches up to everything and says "Stop! Why fight when you can have a Big Mac?"

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[JHowse]

But Poss comes in and says, "Why would you want a Big Mac when you can have some of Poss' Rip Roarin Chilli!" Everyone looks at Poss and...

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Finity]

starts to cry. "Did somebody fart?" somebody says...

[JHowse]

Diesel Dan blushes. Everyone then points at him and...

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[liltaz]

laughs...

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers

[possum37]

...like a pack of...

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[liltaz]

wild hyenas...

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers