why do men feel the need to fart constantly

[spidergoolash]

in food stores, in front of coworkers, in k-mart - why? they even have contests to see who can fart the loudest or who has the deadliest smelling fart. i've never met one women who would feel the need to do this.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Lila]

Your farting comments got me thinking about a time when a fart was really funny. I used to have the cutest, fluffiest, doll faced little Spitz (may she ret in peace) in the world. One day she was just standing there waiting for me to do something and *POOT* out came a fart. She snapped her head around so fast to look at her back end that I almost got whiplash. She stared at her tail with her head turned sideways and her ears up for 5 solid minutes waiting for it to happen again I guess. It was too funny. I've cought wiff of doggie farts before but that was the only time I actually heard a doggie fart.
However, there is nothing too funny about men farting.



<font color="#000000">[Edited by Lila on July 09, 2000 (edited 2 times)]</font>

[spidergoolash]

that's a cute story http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

yes, it just seems that they get a certain amount of enjoyment out of it.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[MO]

I actually don't know any guys that do this in my PRESENCE but who knows what they do alone, the last time I saw something like you're describing was in high schoolhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/rolleyes.gif

----------------------------
"The more I know the less I understand"

[spidergoolash]

man, your memory is really short-lived. don't you remember walking (okay, running) out of your living room w/a perm because of a certain brother of yours????? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

the rankness of it would make your hair curl ...

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Diesel]

I think the more important question is:
Why do women feel it necessary to cover-up or contain a perfectly natural bodily function?

Honestly, your body builds up a by-product of digestion that is toxic. Your body knows it is unhealthy to contain a toxic substance, so your body makes a concerted effort to expel this substance. Why fight it?

Yes, given the opportunity, I will remove myself from a potentially embarrassing situation. However, I won't go running across town, holding my gas, because someone else finds it to be a bad habit.
Besides, holding it in can be painful (see above about your body trying to expel said substance).


----------------------------
I am Jack's raging inner child. Without me, Jack has to deal with the pitfalls of reality.

[Ski Bum]

Dan, It's not that they feel it necessary to cover it up, it's that it's biologically impossible for a woman to belch, fart, or snore.

Therefore they complain so they won't explode. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

Ski Bum

----------------------------
Steep & Deep

<font color="#000000">[Edited by Ski Bum on July 10, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[MO]

Spider, I was just referring to the contests for farting, not the actual act itself. I hope my brother still does not have contests?!http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif

[Alien]

I hold it in for as long as I can myself.

I always like to leave the room if possible. It's probably not healthy to hold it in whenever I have gassy food, but I hold it in, probably to a fault.

I take myself out of embarrassing situations like that cause I'm insecure to begin with. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif

P.S. The one with the loudest fart wins a $20 Amazon gift certificate!

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
Alien - Administrator / Owner
["Everything was true. God was an alien. Oz really is over the
rainbow. ...and Midian is where the monsters live." -Nightbreed]

[possum37]

OMG! Some people would eat a baby (said in an Austin Powers' Fat B*****d type voice) for a $20 Amazon GC. Can you imagine the prevalence of the cacophonous flatulation?

In other words, warn us all before this contest starts so we can stay safely indoors for a week. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[liltaz]

Any woman who says she doesn't fart is telling the truth...we fluffle...

My dogs know when they've farted because as soon as those silent things are out, they're out of the room and as far away as they can get.

----------------------------
A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

[mthrlangl]

Personally, I think what's worse than men farting in your presense (sp?) or having farting contests with each other is when they find it hysterical to fart on *you*...or anything else around them for that matter. I'm tired of being farted on http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/frown.gif

----------------------------
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[WaterB]

terrance and phillip rulz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Prox]

"I fart in your general direction"http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/blah.gif

[Arkayz]

Man I come back from my extended, albeit unwanted, vacation to find a topic about farting hehe

[DaOldBroad]

Perhaps it's a form of communication between the male species?

----------------------------
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

[spidergoolash]

yes, that may be true. i also noticed that men can fart on que. women cannot do this.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[possum37]

My sister can belch on que, though. God, it's horrific - a cross between Barney Gumble and Chewbacca. It's so odd hearing that monster come from a girl as cute as her, too.

Then again, she did grow up with three older brothers...


----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[mthrlangl]

I think it *is* a form of communication. If my boyfriend gets mad at the dog, he'll fart on it. If he's in a good mood, he'll fart on the dog (and occasionally other things) and start cracking up. It's odd...

----------------------------
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[spidergoolash]

sounds like my hubby. he always farts on me when he's happy ... it really IS true ... some men, not all, use farting as a communication TOOL ... when they can't find words to express their "sentiment" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[liltaz]

Gosh I'm glad my boyfriend doesn't fart unless he's off by himself.

My brother's a different story. He always blames it on the barking wall spider. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

[WaterB]

OMG.. ARK IS BACK!!!!! YEAH!!!

[Arkayz]

Heya Water http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

[Fornic8R]

Spidergoolash, you obviously have yet to meet either my sister or her best friend - both of which are named Ann. Both of them have VERY active digestive tracts, and both are lactose intolerant. What this means to the average victim is that at almost any given time, one or both (usually both) can let loose with the most un-godly, horrific, disgusting sounding and FOUL smelling farts you have ever been subjected to. Their favorite pastime is drinking a glass of milk and having a meal that includes great quantities of garlic, onions, or both. They then proceed to fart as loudly as they possibly can, and immediately blame it on me.

After stammering red-faced and trying to explain to people that it in fact was NOT me, that I would never do that in public - FOR YEARS - I've finally decided that playing along is the only way to keep from getting embarrassed by them. At least this way they don't do it quite so often http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

Oh - and in response to the earlier post regarding one gentlemans doggie farting - I just got a Persian kitten. She makes NO sound, but she lets little silent farts all day long that I SWEAR would take the paint right off my new Camry if I got her near. I feel like my nose is bleeding every time she gets me.

[spidergoolash]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif that's the best one i've heard yet.

hey, hubby just informed me this a.m. that he "can fart the alphabet."

... and he's proud.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Fornic8R]

Uhmmm... isn't it wierd how you can think you know someone, then all the sudden it's 'Dear GOD... why didn't you tell me that BEFORE I married you!' http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

If you an get me a demo tape of him doing that, I can guarantee him a spot on the Howard Stern TV show.

[spidergoolash]

you know, it's really funny that you should mention that. in fact, he almost DID get a spot on the howard stern show years ago. he "auditioned" for the "stupid human jokes" segment - blowing firecrackers up in his ass. i'm NOT kidding ...

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[WaterB]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gifOhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[Alyth]

oh man. My dog was abnoxious with his farts. I grew up ith this little dachshund, adn I remember one day in the kitchen I noticed him looking at me funny. Really concentrating on somethign as he was lying down staring at me. Then he started to wag his tag as this foul smell permeated the room. I proceeded to walk across to the other side, and he started to turn his body towards me still wagging with that same concentrated look on his face but almost proud too. I swear to this day he was trying to fart in my general direction. The little devil knew exactly what he was doing. It's not only male humans that do this sort of communication, it's males of all species! I'm convinced of this!

----------------------------
"I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding..."

LOVE ME LOVE MY DOG

[mpeg]

Farting! pull my finger......

My friend, his brother, and me used to have farting contests all night. IT WAS HYSTERICAL. I don't fart in public places (I usually dont have to).

----------------------------
help me jebus!!!

[spidergoolash]

cup-a-fart ... that's when you cup your hands over your arse when you fart, then release your hands over somebody's face so they get the full essence.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

I think the worst is when someone farts and it sounds like they need to go clean out their pants.....then the smell comes to verify it. A funny one, though, would be for a guy to belch and fart quite loudly at the same time. Talk about a super duper double purge! http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

[spidergoolash]

jh, do skid marks comes to mind?

http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif rotflmao http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif Yeah, I'd have to say so. I mean, with skid marks like that of a tractor trailer full on its breaks, you know it's time for some new underoo's! http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[spidergoolash]

http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif hey, did you ever notice when you fart in the shower or the tub, it always smells worse? wonder why that is?

things to ponder ...

[JHowse]

I guess cause it smells nicer in there or something. You know, a nasty funk will be even nastier in a smell good place. Now here's what gets me. Why does a fart smell especially foul in the gym?

[Lila]

EeeeeeeHe-He-He!!!!!!!
I've only farted once in my life,
It was on a bf of mine,
And I swear it was heart shaped.
These are the facts.
.........heheheh

[Always An Alien]

Well, I was going to avoid this string and act like a snob but.................

I felt it was my duty as one of the elders to warn you all:
MEN FART MORE & STIIIIINNKK MORE THE OLDER THEY GET!
BEWARE!!!

NOTE: Never eat a White Castle burger, drink a beer and then toot in a hot shower! UGGGH http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/axe.gif

[Alyth]

Ok I'm just curious, who here will admit to farting in the tub or shower and then taking a whiff of it? If you do, why? I'm just curious. I believe just about everyone does it and some just don't want to admit to it. So, I'd like to know if anyone here will admit to doing that. http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

----------------------------
"I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding..."

LOVE ME LOVE MY DOG

[mpeg]

UH OH
http://agro.digitalrefuge.com/FART%5b2%5d.mpeg

[spidergoolash]

lysithia, i'll admit i've done that, and why? i don't know http://216.10.26.43/ubb/smilies/lol.gif i think it smells worse in the shower cuz it's warm and steamy and the funk just rises.

did you ever have somebody fart while you're eating? the fart smell kind of mixes with the taste of your food. i, i can't explain it.

i can't believe i started this post and now i can't stop ... you know what we need now? a poopy post ... shall we go there?

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

Oh, jeez! Made me think of Austin Powers 1 "Show that terd who's the boss!" and Austin Powers 2 "Ewwwww Krikey. Fat Bastard left a floater!" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

Ewwwwwww

[spidergoolash]

... he pinched a loaf.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

Spider,

You should have titled this thread after the famous Eric Cartmen's quote on farting:

"Uh, oh. Someones baking brownies!"

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

[spidergoolash]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif yes, SOMEONE'S popping a squat ... hey, i must tell you all this. yesterday, hubby was farting the alphabet, or something in that realm, and let's just say he, ah ... lost control. i knew this, cuz after (i think) the "w," he made a weird face and RAN upstairs. man, you gotta luv this guy.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[spidergoolash]

yeah, we sing that song every day here. bunch a loonies we is http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Alien]

'When you're climbing up a ladder and it starts to splatter, diarhea.. diarhea...'

hehehe

wow. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

----------------------------
Alien - Administrator / Owner
["Everything was true. God was an alien. Oz really is over the
rainbow. ...and Midian is where the monsters live." -Nightbreed]

[liltaz]

When you're slidin into home and you feel a juicy foam diarhea *phht phht* diarhea *phht phht*

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/blah.gifhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/jester.gif

----------------------------
A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

[JHowse]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif That's funny! I guess his brownies got done quicker than he thought.

Ever remember the diarhea song from grade school?
"You're going past first and you can't stop the squirt, diarhea *phht phht* diarhea *phht phht*" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif That takes me back! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

[JHowse]

When you're walking through a store and it really starts to pour, diarhea *phht phht* diarhea *phht phht*

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

Edit: Oh, jeez, y'all have me in tears of laughter, over here. People are gonna walk by and wonder.... http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on July 27, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[CaptKirk]

Hmmm... a four page message on farting and diarhea...

I LOVE THIS BOARD!!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif You ARE my kinda people! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

When you stand upon a fish, but it's your pants that make the squish- diarhea .. diarhea..

----------------------------
Scotty, the native aliens here ARE friendly...

[spidergoolash]

here i sit broken hearted ...

i tried to shi*, but only farted ...

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/dorky.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

"When you're running past second and you need the disinfectant, diarhea *phht phht* diarhea *phht phht*" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[spidergoolash]

did you ever fart in a public place? or better yet, did you ever crap in your pants (as a grownup)?

&lt;can't you tell how seriously i take the internet?&gt;

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

Oh yeah. The best public fart I ever did was one where I did a little musical sequence and ended it with a fart. "Bada baaa bada baaa *phhhhhhhhhhhhht*" The funniest part was that the fart was in key! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif My sister-in-law was in pain for hours! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

Then there are those silent but violent farts. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif I don't know a guy who doesn't do that from time to time. Hmmmmmm....that gives me an idea for the long and boring meeting! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

Better yet, has anyone ever farted and blamed it on something other than someone else?

[spidergoolash]

jh, you and i just couldn't let this thread "float to the bottom," now could we? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

yes, the silent but deadly ones are always the most horrific smelling http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif it's the real loud ones that don't have the faintest odor. you'd think it would be the other way around.

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

Well, it must be an energy thing, spiderg. Think of it, those farts that don't expend energy in the sound must release it in the smell!!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif Nope, the discussion must live on!!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

When you're eatin' a pie and it starts to fly, diarhea....diarhea!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

[spidergoolash]

ha-HA! it's *never* going away http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/naughty.gif

okay, did this ever happen to you: you're over at a friend or neighbor's house and suddenly you *must* take a massive dump. you deposit your load in their toilet and &lt;gasp&gt; the water starts rising like it's going to overflow! how EMBARRASSING.

this never happened to me personally (really, it didn't http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif ), but it did happen to a friend of mine - god, he was mortified. there was crap, water and toilet paper all over the floor and he was running around frantic-like w/a plunger, to no avail. man, if i ever had to go that bad, i'd just make a break for home http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[Boone]

I used to manage a dry cleaners a few years ago and one of my fellow co workers used to fart constantly. This guy would stand if front of the fan(a fan blowing on us his coworkers) call for everyone's attention, raise his right fist, and then with a twist of his wrist he would RIP one loose. Praise Jesus !http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif People this is not a good thing, on some days we had to vacate the premises. You should have seen some of our customers as they walked in and were confronted by this odor. They didn't know whether to drop to their knees and retch or run for fresh air. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gifhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gifhttp://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[Diesel]

Well, I tried to do my part to let this thread just die, but since it won't, I'll relate a few items I'd been holding back...

Farts in public&gt; A few years ago, I was going to college in upstate NY. This college held a "movie night" in one of the lecture halls once a week. Usually, it was some movie that was just about to get released to video, and they only charged $2 a person for students.
This particular night, it was Die Hard With A Vengeance. Well, about 20 minutes into the movie, with everyone bored out of their mind, a part in the movie occurs where there's about 3 seconds of dead silence. Quite coincidentally, right in the middle of the lecture hall (I was sitting in the back), someone squeaked one out that was quite loud. Well, the entire room fell dead silent for at least 4-5 seconds (which seemed like forever), and it didn't help that the movie was quiet the entire time. All of a sudden, one of my fraternity brothers, who was sitting right in front of me, shouts out "HEEEEEYYYY!" in the middle of this stunned, dead silence, and the room just totally erupted in laughter.
Easily one of the funniest things I've ever experienced in my life. The whole timing of everything fell into place to make it a classic.

Fart rhymes&gt;
It feels nice and cool when it's floating in the pool... diarrhea, diarrhea
If feels like an egg when it's rolling down your leg... diarrhea, diarrhea
You cannot help but frown when it flowing nice and brown... diarrhea, diarrhea

----------------------------
On an long enough timeline, everyone's survival rate drops to zero.

[spidergoolash]

that's a great story - see, i *knew* you couldn't resist http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

----------------------------
"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[JHowse]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif That one's hard to top. In my family, if someone lets a silent, but deadly one, usually everyone exclaims, "Shooooeeeeee!! Don't light a match!" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

When you're running past third, and you can't stop the terd, diarhea.....diarhea.......

[liltaz]

DD that brought tears to my eyes...


I must admit, this morning I felt sorry for anyone sitting near me on the train...


----------------------------
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."

- Woodrow Wilson

[Diesel]

I know everyone knows this by heart from Austin Powers, but it's so appropriate in this thread:

Pardon me for being rude
It was not me, it was my food
It just popped up to say hello
And now it's gone back down below.


----------------------------
On an long enough timeline, everyone's survival rate drops to zero.

[spidergoolash]

jh, okay i did a search on "fart" to find this original classic. maybe the newcomers would have fun reading this eh?

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
"lose the race; you lose your car"

[JHowse]

Cool, Spidey. Too bad I can't raise your karma.... You'll just have to accept Howse brand Happy Points! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

Thanks spidey...I needed the laugh...I have to admit, somehow I made it to this point without EVER hearing of that diarhea song, and almost spit out a mouthful of lunch I was laughing so hard http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[JHowse]

Awwwwwww.....poor Hermie. You missed out on a great pleasure in life, while growing up. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

So who wants to create a wav file and email it to me? I've sort of made up a possible melody in my head but I'd love to hear it for real http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[JHowse]

It's chanted. There's not really a melody to it. I'm all ears if you want to make one up! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

Well, I guess I made one up then...ROFL..but it's probably quite similar to the chant...

[JHowse]

Forcing this thread to fart to the top.

pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt!!!!

Hermanm, are you gonna record the wav of your melody to the diarhea song and post it? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[Chimpi]

Ay, we were given the honor and gift of it, why not abuse it!?

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
"Always do the opposite of what people say"
-NapoliJ10

"Always respect your fellow trumpeteres...or face the consequences!"
-TrumpetExtrordinaire

[JHowse]

A parody to the Alkaseltzer theme:

"Squat, squat. Splat, splat. Oh, what a relief was that!" http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

JH, I'll get to it around Christmastime maybe...I'm currently in a bizarre employment situation and working odd hours.

[JHowse]

That's cool, Hermanm. I just find the thought that you made up a melody quite amusing. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

Upping karma. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[JHowse]

Has anyone ever done anything evil with Ex-lax? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif Share! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

Well, I just showed my bf this thread http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif and he had something to contribute...

Awhile back when he was working as manager of a retail store, he and another manager caught some kids (about 11) trying to steal some stuff...they came up on the kids, one from each side, and asked if they could help them. One of the kids jumped and then got this horrified look on his face, and then this horrid smell began to waft into the air....

[JHowse]

That's classic, Hermanm! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif Guess he scared the sh*t out of them!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[meezercat]

My guess is that kid probably never tried to shoplift again...http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[liltaz]

roflmao that's hilarious.

----------------------------
"No man can be condemed for owning a dog.
As long as he has a dog, he has a friend;
and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."

- Will Rogers


Loyalty and love are the best things of all, and surely the most lasting. -- My Dog Skip

[JHowse]

heh heh. His smell will give him away. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

[MO]

I didn't think I'd post here, but I'd figure I'd warn you guys against the dangers eating White Castle. Nuff' said?

----------------------------
"Even when you're old and grey, You've still got someting to say"

[JHowse]

That and Crystal's. That's like pulling a pin on a hand grenade and tossing it down your throat.

They don't call them greasy gut bombs for nothin' http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[liltaz]

You don't have to even chew those...just let it slither down your throat like oysters.

I must say, though, that Krystals is better than white castle

----------------------------
Alien: I left my t*ts in the car. I miss my t*ts.

Taz: You can have mine.

[Alien]

White Castle is just fine in moderation. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

----------------------------
"Everything was true. God was an alien. Oz really is over the
rainbow. ...and Midian is where the monsters live." -Nightbreed

"The quickest way to a woman's heart, is with a pickaxe." - Cryptkeeper

[JHowse]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*holding myself in pain* I'm crying over here in laughter!!!!!! *ROTFLMAO* http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/bawling.gif

That's the best story, yet! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

<font color="#000000">[Edited by JHowse on December 05, 2000 (edited 1 time)]</font>

[KNSinatra]

Pure genius....eeeevil genius... That's my boy http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif

I think that's the male equivalent to the Nair-in-the-5 minute-leave-on-Conditioner revenge tactic for women http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[JHowse]

Better be a good girl, KNS! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[KNSinatra]

but aren't I always... http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/angel.gif

::evilly rubbing my hands toether:: http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/uptosomething.gif



----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[JHowse]

That's the KNS we all know and love. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[mthrlangl]

KNS and poss..what a pair. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

----------------------------
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." ~ Semi-Sonic

[JHowse]

Yeah...mess with them, and you will not only lose all of your hair, but you will be on the pot for a week. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

When you eat that ex-lax fudge, and you really sling that sludge, diarhea......diarhea.....

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[KNSinatra]

Don't try to change us, baby!

[JHowse]

Another question. Has anyone ever tried lighting a fart, or did anyone who ever participated in Scouts try tossing a match into the hold of a camp latrine? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[Prox]

Uh Oh should I admit to this. I actually did light a fart once. Dont know what possesed me to do it but it was funny. Please tell me I am not the only one to have tried this little trick.

----------------------------
Never use an ax to remove a fly from a friends forhead

[JHowse]

Did it hurt? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[Prox]

Hurt . . . No it didnt hurt at all. It did smell like **beep** though

----------------------------
Never use an ax to remove a fly from a friends forhead

[JHowse]

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif Ah, the aroma of burnt fart and sizzled butt hair. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[liltaz]

but Krystals is better!

----------------------------
Alien: I left my t*ts in the car. I miss my t*ts.

Taz: You can have mine.

[possum37]

Originally posted by JHowse:
Has anyone ever done anything evil with Ex-lax? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif Share! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

Well, since ya asked...

My buddy and I roomed together sophomore year in college, and got a job with the residential life staff where we were kinda sorta like RA's, but not entirely. We were basically paid to buddy with the frosh who came in, show them around campus, be a support for them and all that.

That year we had a frosh who was from maybe 15 minutes outside of my hometown, and once he realized it, he started to hang with us all the time like all of a sudden he was my best buddy. We'll call this guy "Sam".

Sam was a real jerk. No one liked him. He had to be on our floor-hockey team, of course, and the guy was SUCH a klutz, he took a header, and ended up tearing his arm open on the astroturf - quite a mess on & around his elbow.

Well, a week or so later, the dude comes into our room to hang out. We always let people sit on our beds to play Nintendo as we didn't have any real furniture, so he plopped himself on my bed. When I looked up from my desk, I saw he was reclining as he was reading --

-- on his nasty pus & scab ridden elbow --

-- on my pillow & sheets!!!

I had a $#!%-fit when I saw. He oozed stuff onto my sheets, I had to throw them out and sleep on a plain mattress that night.

Well, eventually, finals rolled around. At the same time was "Chuck's" birthday. We knew Sam was gonna interject himself into the festivities, so Ol' Poss contrived this plan:

- Make brownies for Chuck's birthday
- Make 2 batches
- Add Ex-Lax to one batch
- Feed the Laxxed ones to Sam

So eventually, Sam came down to crash our shindig. Of course, the lard-a$$ wanted some brownies - and when he looked, he saw we had finished one tray off, but there was a whole other one waiting for him.

"Doesn't a full tray of brownies look suspicious, Poss?" I can tell you're asking that. Well, yeah, it does. That's why I cut 2 pieces out & threw them away, to make it look like we had eaten from that tin. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif Sam helped himself to one - then another - and on his way out asked if he could take a couple for later.

The next day, Sam and Chuck had their Physics final. From what Chuck told me, Sam took his 3-hour exam in 20 minutes...ROFL...

Sam called later and asked how I was feeling - I told him I was fine, and asked why he asked. "Well, I crapped as soon as I woke up this morning, then I went again right after I was done...I had to go halfway thru my shower, and I went afterwards, too...and I had to go during my final exam, too. Were those brownies ok to eat?" Well Sam, no one else got sick, I said - maybe it was something you ate before that.

Aaah..."At last we will have revenge."

----------------------------
My knob tastes funny.

[KNSinatra]

JH, you sure do know how to straight forwardly toss out the blunt questions...have you considered a staff position with the National Enquirer? Star Magazine or the Weekly world news, even? You have the brazen embarrasment-free interrogation skills that they kill for! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/wink.gif Poor Prox...no responses -- I almost wish that I'd ever lit a fart just so that I could keep you company in this threat http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

----------------------------
En fuego, bebe.

[Prox]

Come on some one else admit to it. I know that I am not the only one out there. Hasnt anyone else ever done anything like this. I mean I saw it done before I did it (basketball tournament one of the team decided to show us all how to light a fart) so I know that I am not the only one to ever do it.

----------------------------
Never use an ax to remove a fly from a friends forhead

[JHowse]

KNS, I guess I do interrogate with the best. Now, where is the secret rebel base? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/uptosomething.gif

----------------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[JHowse]

Getting back on topic, I was walking by the bathroom, this morning, and the most foul odor greeted me. I then heard this squishy splattering splash sound. Talk about some mad diarhea!!! Wow....and it was none other than my grandmother. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif Talk about something other than Santa Clause visiting her, this morning. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[ukliam]

Merry Christmas to you too JH http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/sickpuke.gif

[Alyth]

To bring this thread back to it's origional point


Bottom line (pun intended), Men fart cause they can!

------------------
-LOVE ME LOVE MY DOGS
-If a man speaks in the forest with no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
-Wanna get laid?.....Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

[Chimpi]

And that's all there is to it! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

I've been farting A LOT lately...dunno why, but the stink like hell. Plugs your nose up...pew

Like 20 a day...

------------------
My superior genius outwits nothing!!

[monsieurjohn]

in blatant defiance of your tagline thingy, i point and stare..... while plugging my nose

------------------
"...Another casualty of applied metaphysics." - Hobbes

[spidergoolash]

hubby's been farting too much lately as well; especially after eating his favorite meal - kielbosi.

me thinks i'm going to barf.

------------------
"would you like some snake eyes?"

[JHowse]

Nothing will make me fart more than HOLIDAY FOOD!!! That stuff is rich and loaded with fat (cheeses, butter, eggs, etc). No wonder my car's fuel efficiency improved. I was giving it a bit of a boast. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

[JHowse]

Isn't it the best when you live alone that you can just let them rip as you please?

------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

I'm just a quick pee. - liltaz, fastest pee in the West!

That which does not make me barf, makes me stronger - possum37, fugly.net guru.

[JHowse]

You guys gotta check this one out!!!!! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif
http://www.epegg.com/sld806.htm http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

That which does not make me barf, makes me stronger - possum37, fugly.net guru.

[meezercat]

Here tis THE FART THREAD, for newbies and anyone else who may have missed it http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

------------------
Love will tear us apart....again

[SwissSmiss]

okokok... i've found the fart thread. point taken.

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/moon.gif

[JHowse]

In the spirit of the never ending fart thread, I need to add a recent fart story of mine:

I was in the daycare visiting Makia, the other day, and I had to fart, really badly. So I let her rip...silently, and it was a greasy stinker. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/moon.gif So I went to feed Makia, a few minutes, later, and the child care worker came by, sniffed, and asked if Makia needed changing. I said, "No...that one was actually me." She cringed. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

------------------
Does driving a car from Saturn make me an alien?

That which does not make me barf, makes me stronger - possum37, fugly.net guru.

[meezercat]

I can't believe you admitted it! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[spidergoolash]

well don't that beat all; now i've heard everything. you had the perfect excuse, but ya HAD to be honest. i think i'd of done the same thing tho. the look on the person's face is priceless. dagnabit.

http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/rotflmao.gif

------------------
"only a white man would build a fire for everyone to see."

resident spiderMOD