On strike

[mthrlangl]

Okay, I live with my boyfriend. I'm sure that some of you have picked up on that. While I love him to death, he doesn't do that much for himself or to keep the house clean, and I'm sick of it. He'll b*tch about how the house is dirty, and he's sick of it, but he won't do anything about it. If I don't make him dinner, he'll eat candy or chips and salsa and then complain that his tummy hurts the next day. If I don't wash his clothes, they don't get washed. He leaves plates of half eaten food everywhere (he will pick those up eventually, though). He gets mad when I use "his" computer. He's mad that I got a new job that makes him get up earlier to leave the house. (Just read "The idiots I work for" to hear about my last job.) So, I am on strike. I'm not cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. until he gets off his butt and helps me. Ugh. Boys.

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

Good for you! I think I must be super lucky or something...my guy does most of the cooking and cleaning. My days are MUCH longer than his and he sees that and is willing to put his bit in to keep the place clean. He's wonderful. He's also a rare species of man from what I hear from other people.

[mthrlangl]

I know that he's thoughtful and sweet and stuff, but I guess I just let him get away with what he's been doing for too long. I mean, I actually like cooking and stuff, but I certainly don't want to be the only one doing it. ::sigh::

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

Would sitting down with him and having a bit of a talk about it work?

[spidergoolash]

we had this problem for years until i finally opened my mouth (rather loudly). "ah, i'm getting sick of falling over sh*t when i walk in the door," which was, quite literally, what i was doing. i work weird hours, and sometimes coming home in the wee hours of the morning - this would happen a lot, whether it was junk they had left around or bodies of friends that were sleeping over.

the only thing that works is a "one hand washes the other" type of situation. in other words, each person does what they are best at. for instance, i'm home all day, so i do all of the cleaning, laundry, food shopping, which i actually don't mind. he does all of the cooking, yard work and babysitting which helps me tremendously, and i also keep reminding them that when i leave for work at nite, the place remains in "decent" condition, which means - you don't have to sanitize the fleepin' place, but at least put dishes in the sink, laundry in hamper, and sweep up any messes. it all boils down to respecting the other person. for a while, they thought i was a door mat - no more http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif oooh-HAAA!

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[liltaz]

Sounds like a good system, spider...

[mthrlangl]

See, I tried doing up a little chore list thing, giving each of us stuff to do during the week. I still put myself for cooking 5 nights a week (going out one, him cooking one), me cleaning the majority of the house (excluding vacuuming and cleaning the den, which is basically his anyway), me doing the clothes, etc. I just wanted him to get his plates to the sink, get his clothes to the hamper, take out the trash, and other misc. guy stuff. That failed miserably. I tried telling him that I'm not doing all of the stuff, and he said that was fair, and I shouldn't have to. That didn't work, either. So, now I'm doing what he does to me. I'm not cooking, not cleaning, not picking up my dishes, etc. He'll get to the point where he can't stand it (I hope), and he'll start cleaning (I hope even more). It's not that I mind doing chores, and it's not that I'm a total b*tch. I just don't wanna do it all myself, and I think that this may be the only way to get through to him. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/indiff.gif

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

I guess if that's all that works...

[mthrlangl]

I'm really out of ideas at this point... After a while, he seems to get the point. Like, I stopped picking up his dishes from the den, and now they may sit there for a bit, but they do make it to the sink eventually. I hope that this will work on a larger scale, too.

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

If not, it's time for a BIIIIIGGG sit down chat.

[spidergoolash]

it's good that you're getting this out in the open now. like i said before, we went thru this. resentment was a big issue here, cuz i was getting stuck w/most of the work.

just be consistent and gently remind him when you need to, even if it's every day. in the long run, everbody is less frustrated and, most importantly - less RESENTFUL - trust me, dammit http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

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"it's easier to stay out than get out"

[mthrlangl]

Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, but I am also sick to death of feeling like his mommy/maid. I mean, the boy is 20, and I know he knows how to cook and clean. On rare occasions, I've even seen him do it. But, like this mornging, he announce that because we'll have to leave the house earlier now, he's either quitting his job and finding a new one or getting another car. Ugh. God give me strength..

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[liltaz]

Things like this are the things that make me appreciate him all the more...

In Baton Rouge he had to get up and take me to work every morning. I never heard a complaint - not once. He'd take me to work and on some days he'd go right back to bed.

Now, dinner's usually ready when I get home and the place is clean and on Fridays the laundry is done.

I feel warm, fuzzy and lucky http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[mthrlangl]

We aren't speaking now http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/frown.gif

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin

[mthrlangl]

We're talking again now http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/supergrin.gif

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin