Sororities/Fraternities

[BizkitBabe]

I was wondering how everyone thinks and feels about sororities/fraternities. I’m having difficulties getting to know other people up at Eastern, because the college isn’t overly social (being the commuter school that it is), and it’s been suggested to me by several people that I AT LEAST rush, but I’m not sure at this point. Part of being a sorority sister sounds very appealing to me. I like how after getting accepted into a sorority you are...well...accepted. You are welcomed by dozens of “sisters” who take you for who you are and actually welcome you into their tightly woven family BECAUSE of who you are, and that to me is tempting. I can’t even imagine having dozens of close friends, because I’ve always been the type that preferred one or two at most. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

However, there are parts about being a sorority sister that don’t sound appealing to me at all. From what I’ve noticed based on my peers and friends that have become either sorority sisters or frat boys, Greek life becomes his or her ENTIRE life. He or she will only spend time with fellow members, talks only about the sorority or frat, wears only T-shirts and sweatshirts with his or her sorority’s or frat’s Greek letters on it, and worst of all, never drops that those not in a sorority or frat are wrong and should join. I’d almost say sororities and fraternities are “cult”ish, and I’ve never seen myself as being that type of person. I’m also weary about whether or not sororities do in fact accept you 100% for who you are. There’s something about being liked right off the bat by so many girls that makes me think that sorority girls are fake and insincere and I make it a point to stay away from those kinds of people. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/frown.gif

I rushed with a friend of mine (only as a favor to her), because she wanted to test the waters of one of Eastern’s band sororities. I went with her with no intention of pledging myself, only of showing moral support for her. A few weeks later I receive a letter that says “Thank you for pledging. While we see a lot of potential in you to better us, we cannot accept you at this time. We hope to see you again next year.” I can’t even describe how angry that made me feel. I got rejected from something I had no intention of joining in the first place. Who are they to know after only minutes of knowing me whether or not I can better their organization without first giving me a chance?!? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/madder.gif Yet, here I am, considering pledging “again”! *SIGH*
Thoughts...experiences...anybo dy? http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/confused.gif


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I keep on rollin'...*deap voice* baby

<FONT COLOR="#000000" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">[This message has been edited by BizkitBabe on May 02, 2001 at 07:49 PM]</font>

[Goshzilla]

Fraternities/Sororities arern't allowed at my school, so I have no specific knowledge of them. But as I see it, if people only become your friend because of a social status, I'm not sure how satisfying that can be. I'm sure it could work out and you'll make tons of friends, but there's always that thought.

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--Dann

Clambot (http://www.clambot.com/)

[Alyth]

Maybe I shouldn't respond to this post only cause I think you should do this if you think it's a good experience for you.

I had joined a sorority during my college years for the same reasons you pointed out. I was asked to join one and a friend of mine already joined. Another friend wanted to try it out and I thought I'd give her support. Well we both got into the same sorority. Well, I figured why not, I can always leave. So I pledged. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! They didn't haze like most sororities and fraternities do, but luckily this sorority didn't believe in it. I was not imediately liked by all the sisters, infact some made it clear that My entire pledge class was resented cause they didn't not want to go national and took all their anger out on us because of that. Ok, I figured alot of my constant frustrations with them and total lack of organization and sisterly support was just part of the pledging and current events. I got into the sorority and was given the job of my big sisters as sisterhood (the person to help keep everyone happy and make events for the sorority). The meetings were all yelling at eachother and making other's cry. I got a 2 year stomach problem because of all this. Eventually, the sorority ended. No one could get along and we weren't getting enough members to satisfy the main sorority.

I did gain some friends out of this, but I too like having only a few close friends and not a bunch of girls calling me their friend cause they have to. Being a part of one sorority helped me see what's involed in the closer knit sororities and I see alot of shallow attitudes. Not that all of the girls were shallow or fake but as a whole, the sororities were. I am glad to have ended the experience but am happy about the few friends I did gain. I still am in touch with my big sister and my friend I knew before I joined her sorority. The rest seemed to have moved on with their lives.

Other people do have better experiences than I had mainly due to how close the sorority members are and how organized they are. But seeing that you are more likely to get along with a few very close friends than be overwhelmed by a whole group of girls that you may be always questioning whether they like you for you or just because they have to, I'd say it's not worth the risk. But pledging is a good way to figure out if a sorority is for you. My cousins were in sororities and enjoyed their experiences very much and I think that is wonderful they had a good experience cause they did gain some close friends and a sense of a community to belong to.

I hope I didn't steer you selfishly in one direction. Everyone's experiences are different. This is a big choice and a committment you would be walking into and it might be a fun time for you. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

P.S. There is usually a bit of an expense with this so if money is tight, it may be difficult but they may be able to work with you. it depends on their policies.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
--Lao Tzu

LOVE ME LOVE MY DOGS

[Diesel]

Since everyone seems focused on the negative, I'll give a positive account.

My fraternity experience has been wonderful from the first day I met one of the brothers. The reason I decided to pledge was because I got along with ALL of the brothers in the chapter, and they all got along with me. What's more, most of the people I was already friends with went to some of the house functions with me, and they also decided to pledge. So, I never thought of it as these people were my friends because I was a brother, but rather that I was becoming a brother because I had a lot in common with the people who were there, and chances are I would've become friends with them, regardless.

Unfortunately, there are fraternities and sororities that live up to the "buying your friends" stereotype. The important thing to remember when looking to join a fraternity or sorority is that you should enjoy the company of those already there, because you will be spending a lot of time with them during your college career.

Personally, I too, don't like those people who allow Greek life to become all-consuming. Most of the brothers in my chapter had as many friends who weren't involved in Greek life as they did who were. To hold an exclusionary attitude towards those not affiliated with a particular group does nothing to enrich your college experience. However, remember that the experience is what you make it. If you don't want Greek life to become all-consuming for you, it doesn't have to be. It certainly wasn't for me. For those who do allow it to be, that is a choice that they made. It does not mean that you have to follow their choices.

You're absolutely right that the rush process can be somewhat brutal, and that someone really cannot get to know you in a few minutes. However, since you had no intention of pledging that sorority, try not to let it bother you, and try not to take it personallly. Perhaps, the reason they rejected you for membership is because you didn't put any effort into showing them that you liked being there.
I know that in my fraternity's situation, if we got someone that only showed up for one function, that conveys to us that they don't have that much of an interest in being around us. If they don't have any interest in being around us, why would we want to invite this person to be around us for the next 3-4 years? It would be fair to us and it wouldn't be fair to them. What's more, there's more of a likelihood that he would turn it down anyway.

I can really only speak from my standpoint, but I also feel I'm a purist in the fraternity/sorority debate. You should ONLY join for the right reasons. Don't join if you feel that you're doing it to gain a social status, or if you feel that you're buying into friendships, or because you're friends are doing it. Those are the wrong reasons.
Some of the right reasons are that you feel a kinship with the people you meet there, or that that particular fraternity/sorority promotes qualities that you feel are important and meaningful.

You seem to have a good grasp of what's important to you in this process. Go with your gut feelings. You already know the good points and bad points. Follow that. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

Being in my particular fraternity has been one of the most positive experiences in my life. I still get along great with the people I've met there, and I still communicate with most of them, 6 years after I've left school. If done right, Greek life can be very rewarding. If done wrong, it can be a wasted experience.

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[BizkitBabe]

Originally posted by Goshzilla:
But as I see it, if people only become your friend because of a social status, I'm not sure how satisfying that can be. I'm sure it could work out and you'll make tons of friends, but there's always that thought.


This is true...http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/indiff.gif

Originally posted by Lysithea:
Other people do have better experiences than I had mainly due to how close the sorority members are and how organized they are. But seeing that you are more likely to get along with a few very close friends than be overwhelmed by a whole group of girls that you may be always questioning whether they like you for you or just because they have to, I'd say it's not worth the risk.

This is also true...http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/indiff.gif


Originally posted by Diesel Dan:
I can really only speak from my standpoint, but I also feel I'm a purist in the fraternity/sorority debate. You should ONLY join for the right reasons. Don't join if you feel that you're doing it to gain a social status, or if you feel that you're buying into friendships, or because you're friends are doing it. Those are the wrong reasons.
Some of the right reasons are that you feel a kinship with the people you meet there, or that that particular fraternity/sorority promotes qualities that you feel are important and meaningful.

I couldn't agree with you more...http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/indiff.gif

I thought you people were supposed to be helpful, and you were, yet somehow I'm now even more indecisive! http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif


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I keep on rollin'...*deap voice* baby

<FONT COLOR="#000000" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">[This message has been edited by BizkitBabe on May 02, 2001 at 07:47 PM]</font>

[meezercat]

OK, I didn't have time to post here before, so here goes.

My school was maybe 30 or 40 percent Greek. Not pervasive enough that you had no social life if you *weren't* Greek, but they were around enough to be annoying. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

Anyway, I didn't even rush. For one, I was totally financially strapped as it was. Two, at least at my school, the sororities accepted you (or didn't) based on what your daddy did for a living, what sort of haircut you had, and whether you had the willpower to turn down the M&M's they offered you.

There was one sorority in particular (and hell no I'm not going to keep quiet about who it was, it was Kappa Alpha Theta, or "Theta" as they called themselves) which was sickening. I can't remember if they were the ones who did the M&M thing during rush, but I think they were. Anyway, they had to approve of the classes you took, the clothes you wore, the people you dated, and so on. If you did something "untoward" - maybe you got a little drunk at a frat party or you were caught smooching on a hippie granola guy - you would get a note in your mailbox that said simply "TNT". Which stood for "That's Not Theta." You would continue getting these notes until the offending behavior ceased. Quite a few people quit the sorority over that. I'll never forget one time I was on a committee with someone who just so happened to be a Theta, and there was a meeting at her sorority house (joy of joys http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/rolleyes.gif) I go there, knock on the door, and the girl who opens the door takes one look at me and says "last room on the left". Niiiiiiiiice.

Most of my friends went through rush during freshman year just for the experience, but none of them bothered to pledge. A close friend of mine *did* join a sorority during junior year though, and I was NEVER able to stand being around her when she was with her sorority sisters. I was particularly tired of being introduced as "This is Michelleshesnotgreek."

As much as I will bash sororities, I did spend quite a lot of my college life at fraternity parties http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/naughty.gif I had some friends in Lambda Chi Alpha (although I was not particularly fond of this fraternity, to be completely honest) and Theta Chi (whose parties I made it a point to NEVER NEVER miss)

Anyway, I do not for a second regret not having pledged, or even rushed, any sororities. I had a wonderful 4 years, and some really great friends, and I didn't even have to pay them...http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[Diesel]

Just to relay another point about this, since hermanm brought it up...

It's been my experience that, during rush and pledge periods, sororities seem to be much colder and more spiteful towards people than fraternities.

I went to several functions for several different fraternities, just to check out what they had to offer. However, I really had my heart set on the first one I saw, since those guys made a genuine effort to get to know me, were very friendly to me, and were very welcoming of both me and my friends.
I wanted to give the other houses a look just to see something else, but my decision was pretty much made, and I only rushed the house I wanted to be a part of.
However, while some houses weren't exactly warm and receptive, they all treated everyone with a certain level of respect and dignity.

In conversations I've had with various sororities, as well as my first girlfriend in college (she was in our sister sorority), the sororities seem to be much more elitist in their selection process. They tend to be much more superficial in their criteria, usually choosing looks over personality, and attitude over friendliness. I've known plenty of sorority sisters who couldn't stand other sisters within their house, and I couldn't come to a logical conclusion why they would join a house whose members they couldn't stand.
Another difference between sororities and fraternities I noticed was what happened when someone would turn them down. We had one guy who started pledging with us, and had to drop out for financial reasons. The next sememester, when he wanted to rejoin, he rushed again, was given a bid, and welcomed back into pledging with open arms. However, a similar experience with a friend pledging a sorority ended up with the sorority being really spiteful towards her, since they took the abandonment and rejection personally. They felt that this girl left because she felt above them, and made it a point to try and humiliate her during the rush and bid process. They were mean and condescending towards her when she rushed them again the next semeseter, and refused to issue her a bid, so they basically hung her out to dry, since that was the only sorority that she wanted to rush.

It's very important to understand that my Greek experience was great because I was part of a great house. When I pledged, there were 60 brothers, and 14 guys in my pledge class. I got along with every single one of those 74 guys.

To join, it's really important that you get along with and like those who you're about to join. If you really don't feel that, walk away. Your Greek experience will be miserable if you stay.

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[BizkitBabe]

Thank you kindly Dan. You have made some very thought provoking points that I will be sure to keep in mind.

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I keep on rollin'...*deap voice* baby

Duke on!

[Diesel]

Another thought that occurred to me, while I was reflecting on this...

I went into my college experience knowing that I wanted to be a part of Greek life, but I also knew exactly what I wanted to get out of it. I wanted fraternity, in the literal sense. I wanted to have a feeling of brotherhood with those around me.

I was lucky enough to have found a fraternity who shared my ideals and was able to give me that type of experience.

If you're unsure about what you want out of it (I'm speaking generally, not specific to your situation), then it's probably a good idea to hold off on joining until you can figure it out. Also, if you do know what you want to get out of it, but can't find a house that can offer what you want, don't join. If you go into it knowing that you're not going to get the experience you want, you'll find yourself miserable.


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[BizkitBabe]

Thanks for all of the help and advice. After processing what was shared, I think it’s best if I keep the one sister I have and leave it at that. If my decision changes, which it very well could seeing as how my mood changes with the weather, I’ll be sure to let you know. http://www.aliensoup.com/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

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I keep on rollin'...*deap voice* baby

Duke on!