What do you think is the best for a baby?

[GoingNova]

Do you think it is better for a child to be raised by a stay at home mom/family member or in daycare?

[MrsD]

I personally feel it's best for a baby or child to be raised at home by a parent rather than go to day care. On the same hand, I realize how hard it is for couples to balance families and jobs and that's a reason why so many people are waiting so long to have families or not having them at all. It's not easy these days, and I'm glad I'm beyond that point.

[Lil Bit]

Oh wow. I am faced with this question everyday. My mother in law reminds me all the time that I am doing wrong by working, but if her son wasn't so lazy I might not have to.

I think it depends on the family, the child and their situation. Some people don't have much of a choice. Also if you can find someone you trust to watch them. The lady that watches my girls lives across the street from my mother and from the time I was in 4th grade we have known her. I used to watch her kids when they were little and I was in my teens. I trust her and she is great with the girls. She sets boudries and doesn't allow them to act like heathens all day. SHe has time out and I do allow her to give them a tap on the butt if they do wrong. She talks with them and plays with them, teaches the little ones things that I do. She helps in guiding them. She helped me potty train Lexi in less than a week. She is also the cheapest care I can find for them. She is very fair and does not show favorites even though 4 of the kids she watches are also her grandkids. I went as far as paying the school district to allow my older two to go to school at the elemantary school in her neighborhood even though we are out of the school area just so they can keep going to her. I trust her with my kids lives while I cannot be there with them. I hear so much about these caregivers killing a child or sexualy abusing them and I could never allow something like that to happen to my girls. I did not have an easy child hood, it taught me a lot about kids and how to listen to them and about hidden messages that they don't even realize they are giving. While I would love to stay home with my girls and be there for them all the time I am not fortunate to have a husband that will get a real job and take care of things we need. So while I have to be the one to take care of all of the financial needs of me and my girls alone they will remain at Londe's home. Even if he did take care of things it's nice to be able to conserve my sanity by working outside of the home and know that my kids are well taken care of at the same time.

My kids are well rounded and I spend so much time with each of them on our own time and together. My kids know right from wrong and they are encouraged to make good choices for themselves. They know compassion and humor. I also feel that my kids benefit by being at Londe's home seeing as they are able to deal with different people easily. I would give my life for my children and I know she would do the same.

[MrsD]

See what I'm saying? It's not easy to be a parent these days and make the decisions that need to be made. Mustang is a rarity in that she has total peace of mind with the day care choice she has made. I'm happy for her. I also know of couples who agaonize every day of their lives having to bring the kids into a day care. They have no choice, but it's a very tough thing for them to do.

[Lil Bit]

I also want to add that it is better for the child to be of talking age or have older brothers and sisters if you do not know the people too well. It helps for the child to be able to tell what really goes on behind the scenes. The only gripe my kids have is that she requires them to lay down and take a nap or a quiet time while the others nap. thay hate it! But if they were hit by the caregiver or something worse it is good for tham to be able to tell you that way you can take care of the problem.

[Lil Bit]

I know a lot of people do not have the opportunity I have to know the caregiver. But I feel bad for the people who have to choose a cheap one over a more trusting one just beacause they cannot afford the better care. Know what I mean?

[ajdean]

This one I am going to have to say a parent or family member, in this day and age children need a strong family for support. Yes, with having to make a living to feed the family, at times takes both parents. From things that I have read and from my experiance as a mentor, even a close friend for kids to talk to helps. Like most things kids should have the system in place before they need it, like having a friend that is close to the kids while they are growing up will increase the chances that they will be able to talk to someone if not their parents.

[Sicander]

There was a study done a while ago that interviewed minor felons in juvenile hall. something like 80% of them where raised by single mothers.

It is a prooven fact that mankind operates in two essential roles. The role of the leader, and he who follows. Often times in a single mother family the mother is not strong willed enough to keep a male child in line. Without a strong willed male influence to take the roll of leader the roll of leader will often be taken by the child. The kid grows up not caring what his mother says because he does not see her as an authority figure. This is not true in all cases obviously, if the mother is strong enough of will the kid will turn out fine. It is natural for a child to be raised by two parents. You need a mother to nurture you and a father to pop you one when you moth off (I'm not condoning child beating but growing up, if my dad popped me it came as no surprise, I KNEW I deserved it and I hold nothing against him for doing it.) Without both parental rolls taken up by two people, the only way one person can effectively raise the child is to take on both rolls. This can be very hard for single mothers and even fathers because of the need to work day to day and you cannot be there for the child.

[GoingNova]

Hey Mustang, please don't feel bad about this thread! MY SON GOES TO DAY CARE TOO! I voted it would be best for his Mom to stay home with him, but hey, it just can't be done. I just wanted to clarify that. Daycare for my son has been quite beneficial, and I have been pleasantly surprised. :eusa_ange

[GoingNova]

You need a mother to nurture you and a father to pop you one when you mouth off.

:eusa_clap You have a way with words Sicander! :eusa_ange

[Damm]

My mum went back to work about a month after I was born. I was raised at home with my 2 older siblings by a series of babysitters the first year, and then my aunt came to live with us and looked after me until I was 6. I only have really happy memories of my aunt (I barely have any memories of my parents...they have never been the "parental" types). I was extremely distrustful of all adults who were not family, so I only ever remember being afraid of any babysitters that I had. I WAS however in daycare from age 3-5, and I don't remember being scarred for life.

But, perhaps do to the fact that I had a severe speech impediment, I much perfered the sanctuary of my house and family to company of other kids and strangers.

I don't have children of my own, but I think once you get into daycare senerios you have to be so careful about what kind of daycare it is. My mum is on the board of a local private school that does "early education," so she is well versed in studies and statistics, and after hearing most of them, I think I would much perfer to keep kids at home with a parent/family member for as long as possible...at least then you've got no one to blame but yourself when your seven year-old kills someone. ;)

Mind you, I'm well aware that most people do not have the option of staying at home with the kid.

[ANGLOIRISH]

The cost of living is so very high these days that both parents often times have no choice but to work. It is not the quanity of time you spend with your children, it is the quality of time you invest with your offspring that counts.

[Nightwolf04]

I used to have a childminder, I usedto go to ehr house everyday either after school or just through the day and she'd take care of me. She took care of about 7 kids each day.

I have to say it's better for the child to be with a parent because well it's the parents. But I have to say I was with Fran (my childminder) from about 2 years old (my mum was ill at this time, after dying of breast cancer). Til about 11 years old. I've grown up fine and I used to love going there because Fran treated everyone the same, even treating us like her own kids. Plus I got to have my own friends striaght away.

So it's not as bad as everyone seems to think, as long as you get a good minder or daycare, it is actually ok for the children, so I say both really. It depends what you feel like doing or can do for your child.

[Lil Bit]

I took no offense Nova. I think it was a good issue to bring up. If anything it will help someone make a decision about who their kids go to that will be good for them and the kid. If you have any reservations about where your child attends daycare then look elsewhere, don't wait for your baby to be scared for life by not acting on your parental instinct. I actually like giving my opinion on this because the person that critisizes me the most about this issue is very close minded and will not hear anything I have to say. I just want to yell at her sometimes "if you raised your son to be a man and not the p#$$% he turned out to be then maybe I could stay at home with my kids and never have to worry about where the money comes from" Everyone is not as fortunate as her and she just doesn't get it. I work my ass off at work and at home. I take short cuts on house cleaning or put it off a day to spend with my kids. They also know they can call me at work or on my cell and I will always talk to them. She doesn't understand the relationship I have with my kids. SHe played mother and apparently that didn't work. I play mother then friend and so far I haven't had any of the problems with my kids that she had with hers at the same age. SHe is alos a registered nurse so of course you can imagine what kind of stuff I hear when I let them be kids and get dirty. I do what I can to take care of them and seeing as daddy is pretty much never there I don't think she gives me even a quarter percent of the credit that I deserve. So by her standards if having someone me and the girls trust so I can work and spending just about every other waking second with them makes me a bad parent then I guess that I am the worst parent of all and proud of it.

So Nova if you trust your daycare provider and your baby likes them then you probably don't have anything to worry about. Go with your instincts though. I think children that go to daycare or homecare are more equipt to be more social in school setting because they have been socialized. You take a kid that has been at home with mom for the first 5 years and not really been in a setting with a group of other kids and they are likely to freak out or not warm up to playing with other kids as readily as one who has had care out of the home. And when they kick and scream when you drop them off it's OK, hopefully your provider has the patience to cuddle them a bit and reasure them that they will have so much fun today and before they know it you are there to pick them up. Lexi usually stops crying after half a minute.

[Rascal]

i voted not sure..'cuz well i don't have kids so this is all theory and conjecture :). a very young baby, like newborn, for sure with a parent. no questions asked. once the child can start walking and talking i think that a GOOD daycare is the best for the child. it gives them a different environment to explore. it allows for social interaction with peers and other adults. they will (hopefully) start to do some educational things. it is essential that the daycare be a good one tho', a shoddy one could more than likely be damaging to the child. i don't think the child suffers being away from the parents, they get to spend all night and all weekend with the parents. just my two cents :).