ski2bfree
04-17-2005, 11:46 PM
This is a speach I gave in my Public Speaking class. It's my favorite of the speeches I gave that semester, bashing relationships with a bit of sarcasm. Hope everyone likes it.
Two months. After two months worth of time together, my girlfriend had cheated on me. And I’ll admit, despite the fact that it was little more than a summer fling, I was fairly upset for awhile. Until I realized something; she was right. Not about cheating on me, but about cheating in general.
Everyone has probably dated someone at some point. But has anyone ever dated more than one person at the same time? You may laugh when I say this, but it has more benefits than you could possibly imagine.
Take my situation, for example. This girl who cheated on me, she was what I refer to as a “wild girl.” Guys, you know the type – piercings, excessive drinking, noisy and rambunctious. And while I had a great time with her, she had about a snowball’s chance in hell of ever being introduced to my parents. Had I been smarter, I may have played the situation a little bit differently.
Imagine this: a good girl to introduce to your parents, to cuddle and hold hands with; a wild girl to go out, have fun and be reckless with; a smart girl to help you with your homework; a rich girl to drive you around in her new Porsche and take you to football games; a hot girl to satisfy lust; a homely girl to satisfy your ego; a domestic girl to cook and clean… you get the idea. When you can’t find the perfect girl, construct her out of the imperfect ones.
Now girls, I hope you’re not feeling left out because the same thing can apply to you. All too often I hear girls complaining about their boyfriends – he’s lazy, stupid, obnoxious, whatever. You think you can stay with him and change him into what you want, even though you have a hard time thinking of good qualities he possesses without your influence. Listen to me: if you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re spending too much time with jerks.
Imagine, girls: a good guy to introduce to your parents, to cuddle and hold hands; a wild guy to drive you around on his Harley; a smart guy to help you with your homework; a rich guy to buy you expensive jewelry; a hot guy to show off to your friends; a homely guy to drool over you. It makes sense. No more complaining, just pure satisfaction.
This is more than just “playing the field”; this is a way of life that could sweep (or swiffer) the nation. Currently, according to Divorce Magazine, 49% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. Why put yourself through this? Divorce is not an easy process, and I know because I’ve watched someone go through it. With my proposal, the divorce rate could disappear completely, as could the marriage rate.
I remember asking “Why are you doing this?” as my friend Josh announced he was getting married this summer. At 20 years of age, how can you be prepared to marry the only girl you’ve ever seriously dated, to look her in the eye and know “this is the woman I want to annoy for the rest of my life?” It is in this way that marriage interferes with our basic rights as Americans: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. With a commitment to one person, your life is shared, your liberty is restrained, and your pursuit of happiness becomes a compromise to fit the lives of two people. If you need proof, just ask any married person if he or she is honestly happy – not just content – with his or her life since marriage. If the answer is yes, the person’s spouse may be within earshot.
So why can’t our lives be more? Why can’t we live outside the normal routine of couples? Is the thought of being attached to more than one person too abstract for our conservative society, where even same-sex marriage is taboo? A society where our leader can’t even have a quickie with an intern without it being national news – an event which, by the way, would not have taken up so much of our valuable sitcom time had my proposal been in effect.
So go, date several people, one for each of the categories I mentioned earlier. Reap the benefits of each eligible person you meet, and compile them all into a love life that you can be proud of. Because every person has their pros and cons, so by finding pros in some people you can balance the cons of others. If you can successfully find this balance, I promise you will never go back.
Two months. After two months worth of time together, my girlfriend had cheated on me. And I’ll admit, despite the fact that it was little more than a summer fling, I was fairly upset for awhile. Until I realized something; she was right. Not about cheating on me, but about cheating in general.
Everyone has probably dated someone at some point. But has anyone ever dated more than one person at the same time? You may laugh when I say this, but it has more benefits than you could possibly imagine.
Take my situation, for example. This girl who cheated on me, she was what I refer to as a “wild girl.” Guys, you know the type – piercings, excessive drinking, noisy and rambunctious. And while I had a great time with her, she had about a snowball’s chance in hell of ever being introduced to my parents. Had I been smarter, I may have played the situation a little bit differently.
Imagine this: a good girl to introduce to your parents, to cuddle and hold hands with; a wild girl to go out, have fun and be reckless with; a smart girl to help you with your homework; a rich girl to drive you around in her new Porsche and take you to football games; a hot girl to satisfy lust; a homely girl to satisfy your ego; a domestic girl to cook and clean… you get the idea. When you can’t find the perfect girl, construct her out of the imperfect ones.
Now girls, I hope you’re not feeling left out because the same thing can apply to you. All too often I hear girls complaining about their boyfriends – he’s lazy, stupid, obnoxious, whatever. You think you can stay with him and change him into what you want, even though you have a hard time thinking of good qualities he possesses without your influence. Listen to me: if you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re spending too much time with jerks.
Imagine, girls: a good guy to introduce to your parents, to cuddle and hold hands; a wild guy to drive you around on his Harley; a smart guy to help you with your homework; a rich guy to buy you expensive jewelry; a hot guy to show off to your friends; a homely guy to drool over you. It makes sense. No more complaining, just pure satisfaction.
This is more than just “playing the field”; this is a way of life that could sweep (or swiffer) the nation. Currently, according to Divorce Magazine, 49% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. Why put yourself through this? Divorce is not an easy process, and I know because I’ve watched someone go through it. With my proposal, the divorce rate could disappear completely, as could the marriage rate.
I remember asking “Why are you doing this?” as my friend Josh announced he was getting married this summer. At 20 years of age, how can you be prepared to marry the only girl you’ve ever seriously dated, to look her in the eye and know “this is the woman I want to annoy for the rest of my life?” It is in this way that marriage interferes with our basic rights as Americans: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. With a commitment to one person, your life is shared, your liberty is restrained, and your pursuit of happiness becomes a compromise to fit the lives of two people. If you need proof, just ask any married person if he or she is honestly happy – not just content – with his or her life since marriage. If the answer is yes, the person’s spouse may be within earshot.
So why can’t our lives be more? Why can’t we live outside the normal routine of couples? Is the thought of being attached to more than one person too abstract for our conservative society, where even same-sex marriage is taboo? A society where our leader can’t even have a quickie with an intern without it being national news – an event which, by the way, would not have taken up so much of our valuable sitcom time had my proposal been in effect.
So go, date several people, one for each of the categories I mentioned earlier. Reap the benefits of each eligible person you meet, and compile them all into a love life that you can be proud of. Because every person has their pros and cons, so by finding pros in some people you can balance the cons of others. If you can successfully find this balance, I promise you will never go back.