Friend Zone

[Prox]

So I have this problem, and I can't figure it out for the life of me. Unfortunatly I have been forced into the single world about a year ago. I still don't truely know if I can handle a relationship but I am totally lonely, and I just want some sort of affection/human contact from the oppisite sex. The problem I run into is that every single girl I meet and talk to, I end up as the great Friend so fast it would make most people's head spin. I mean I do like these girls as friends, and if they arn't interested in anything else I would much rather hang out as friends than nothing else, but still, what is it that sends me to the friend zone. I know that I am a little overweight, and a bit of an alcoholic, but for the most part, I don't look too horable, and I have a good personality. It is so darn frusturating. Every girl I meet always says that I am the greatest guy . . . but they never seem to go anywhere from there. I guess I am just a little frusturated. Females here, what might I be doing wrong. It has been doing this like pretty much my whole life, and I am a little tired of it. What should I do to get the ladies I am interested in to see me as more than a friend.

[Monster]

Consider yourself lucky, I don't even end up in the friend zone most of the time ... but I've not been having much contact to women anyway.

Just take what you can get, and keep on looking ... perhaps one day one of your friends becomes more for you, or perhaps you finally find the right one.

And do dare to ask, perhaps one of your friends is just waiting for you to say something.

Just yesterday I talked to an acquaintance and she said that what she really wants is to be married and have kids. Of course, everyone wants something else, but women often want to have long lasting relationships, and perhaps you just need to give them a hand.

Make up your mind; if you really want a deep relationship with a woman, you can have it, I'm sure.

[monsieurjohn]

hey man, have you watched "just friends?" it's a lot funnier than i thought it would be, and it covers your predicament pretty well.

overall i'd just say patience though! it'll click for one of them (or someone else) when you don't even realize it

[mthrlangl]

I hate to say it, but most girls your age are probably still looking for the bad(ish) boys. But I also agree with what Monster said - sometimes the girl is just waiting for you to say something.

Good luck :)

[lobo]

Prox, You should be more drastic :

1) keep chocolate candies - girls loves it, don't give it often, just one candy in couple days, only to notify : Hey! I am there!
It is easy to come to girl and to give her a candy, she will be glad, especially if You will not try to hung on her after. You will see, she will return her attention to You after 6'th candy.
2) always try to involve those to different activities, tennis, cycling even dancing could work on Your account, but don't be annoying.
3) look wide - sometimes You can meet great relations with a peson, whom You even can not imagine as a person for relations. I say, it can be most unnoticeable person, but it will be great person. Some peoples has something like a gravy sheild on front, so it can take awhile to find that person behind the gravy.
4) As MJ told - patience is neccessary too, sometimes relations can start after long-long just friendly coexisting.
5) Try to hear what girls talk well and try to speak with them on the topic which interesting to them ... but do not be annoying.
6) Tell girls good words.

Things You do not like to do :

1) Don't try to start relations with drunk girls.
2) Don't spoil girls.
3) Don't speak with them about work.
4) Don't tell them that You failing to start relations.
5) DON'T USE SPLINTER PROBE AT FIRST SIGHT! :eek:

Uh! I hope that You will find Your great half. It can be not fast, but it will happen. You are such great man, it should be easy for You.

Good luck!

[MO]

You are probably more mature than they are right now...

I know it's easier said than done, but what about focusing on yourself right now and do some things that make you fulfilled and satisfied.

You mentioned weight, would you feel better if you worked out more? (I think you look fine, I just mentioned it b/c you did). I guess what I am saying is that you will be catch someone's eye some day just by doing your thing. You may find someone who has interests in the outdoors and other things you enjoy by doing some activities.

Don't rush into being "fast friends" either...that may scare some people b.c you may be perceived as too friendly and "safe." Don't try too hard, just be cool and casual.

[nootch]

Ah, the friend zone. I have a Ph.D. in this area... but I don't have enough time to post all of my thoughts... here's a quick-ish summary:

First of all, I can honestly say that it is possible to recover from the friend zone, I've done it... twice.

I don't know about you, but I was very shy growing up; when it came to talking to girls, I wasn't confident at all. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't bumbling around and running away, I just wasn't the guy that could walk up to a girl and introduce myself. Instead, I was the guy that listened and gave good advice. Girls felt safe, and that's how I always got put into the friend zone. But once we became closer friends, I felt more confident and I was able to show the girls who I really am.

But [I like to think] I've learned a few things about girls (and ladies, please correct me if I'm wrong):
1) Girls like guys with confidence. You don't have to be suave or rude, just be yourself and KNOW that you are a great person.
2) Girls like surprises. That doesn't mean you have to buy them gifts all the time, instead take them places they've never been. It's always exciting to try something new and you want to show that you can be exciting and different.
3) Girls like guys that make decisions. Don't be controlling, but don't always make her decide where to go and what to do. It all comes back to the whole confidence thing...
4) Girls like to flirt. Don't be flagrant, but show the girl that you notice her. Just remember: just because a girl flirts with you doesn't mean she wants to date you... but that's okay, flirting builds your confidence and gets you back into the game.

Now I know these all seem pretty obvious, but these simple facts can make the difference between friend zone and potentially more.

I know it sucks to hear, but you just need to put yourself out there and it'll happen when it happens...

P.S. - I know I've recommended it to you a bunch of times now, but did you ever see Glory Daze (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116422)?

[mthrlangl]

I would have to say that I agree with all 4 of nootch's points. Completely. I would also like to add a #5, and that's don't be too available. Obviously, don't turn her down every time she wants to do something, but every once in a while, it's a good idea to show that you have a life outside her.

[MO]

Bravo Nootch!

[spidergoolash]

#6 girls like a challenge :D

[Prox]

Nooch, it sounds like we have a LOT in common there. I am that guy everyone can trust, and they always seem to come to me for advise about their current love woe's . . . DOH. I guess I will just keep being myself, one day or another that will have to work since I pretty much refuse to not be me anymore.

[rosebud]

Girls like bad boys don't they?

Hope everything works out well for you prox. Sorry I gave you bad advice.

[meezercat]

#7 Bad boy

Every girl likes to know that the guy she's with has a little bit of bad boy in him.

I would wholeheartedly disagree.

Honestly, I would walk away and never look back from someone who did any of the things you described.

[Panache87]

I would agree with the points that Nootch made. Those are, in fact, very true.
The "bad boy" thing I wouldn't agree with though, unless you like those crazy girls.
And Prox- this "friends-zone" issue is surely just a phase- it'll pass soon, don't worry!

[Kodiak Ashtray]

and they always seem to come to me for advise about their current love woe's . . . DOH.
Jesus, I hate that. Nothing is worse (for me at least) then having a girl talking about their relationship woe with one of their guy friends. Especially if your the guy friend and you actually have feelings for the girl. Ugh. Just makes me feel like crap.

But ya, what I suggest is just putting yourself out there more and to take more risks with women. (asking them out more, more flirting, etc.)